:jiggy: Note: Jokes are there to enjoy the lighter side of the everyday life; to smile, to enjoy and to make fun in an innocent manner. Here is a collection of jokes, selected from around the world, on one topic: The lawyers. I hope readers will have a smile in the true spirit of a Joke, especially my magnanimous brethren at Bar. After all, they know the joke & the Truth. So, enjoy. :jiggy:
Proverb on Lawyers in some contries.
1. A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for. -English.
2. Preachers purge the conscience, doctors the body, lawyers the purse. - German
3. "Virtue is in the middle," said the devil, as he sat down between two lawyers. - Danish
4. Lawyers and painters can soon change black to white. - Danish
5. A lawsuit is a fruit-tree planted in a lawyer's garden. - Italian
6. A bad agreement is better than a good lawyer. - Italian
7. Love all men but not lawyers - Irish Proverb
8. With books and money plac'd, for show,
Like nest-eggs, to make clients lay,
And for his false opinions pay.
No lawyer will ever go to heaven
so long as there is room for more in hell. - French proverb
Popular Jokes on Lawyers.
9. What do you have when you have 100 lawyers up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
10. What do you call 10 lawyers on the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
11. What do you call it when there are 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A dirty ocean.
12. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
13. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head!
14. What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. What is the definition of a "crying shame"? There was an empty seat in the bus.
15. What do you call an honest lawyer? An impossibility.
16. Where can you find a good lawyer? In the cemetery.
17. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only gets blood at night.
18. When will you see a pole with a worm at both ends? When you see a lawyer fishing with a fishing rod.
19. How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.
20. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70? Your honor.
21. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
22. What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
23. What's the difference between yogurt and the Bar Association of Lawyers? Yogurt has culture.
24. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell? Another lawyer.
25. What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested? An accomplice. What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested? A lawyer.
26. Your attorney and your mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You only have time to save one of them. Will you have lunch or go to a movie?
27. How can you tell if your lawyer is worthless? Ask him if he's a member of the bar Council.
28. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.
29. Why did the Post Office have to recall the new stamps with pictures of famous lawyers on them? People couldn't tell which side to spit on.
30. What's the difference between a poisonous snake and a lawyer? You can make a pet out of the snake.
31. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
32. What is the difference between baseball and the law? In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out. In the other case, you are In.
33. What's one more difference between a vulture and a lawyer? Vultures wait 'til you're dead before they rip your heart out.
34. If you can't find a lawyer who knows the law, find one who knows the judge.
35. Between grand theft and a legal fee, There only stands a law degree.
36. There are two kinds of lawyers: Those that know the law and those that know the judge.